Help Wanted.

No, really. I got a degree (which I'm going to have to scan in one of these days) in Religious Studies, with a minor in Philosophy, which allowed me to perform the following vital services to society:

Dig goat's heads out of somebody's backyard. The lady who lived there had gone insane after letting her 40 horses starve to death (they only had .75 acres to graze !) -- We took something like three 100 cubic yard dumpsters full of garbage out of her small ranch house before we could even get to the floor.
Clean out somebody else's barn for his wedding reception (really)
put together Ford parts (steering shaft components) -- If you're driving a Ford Tempo made between 1992 and 1993, sell it. Now.
Deliver pizza for Spanky's Pizza, Bangor, ME
I came this close to selling flash-frozen meat door-to-door.
grade student essays for Measurement Inc., Durham, NC
screen print for Frankie & Zoe's Printing Palace and Screen Salon. Man it was hot.
clean human spoor out of the stairwells at Pleasant Valley Promenade. That job sucked. Don't ask.
Run base shoe for an insane drug addict from Arizona.
Do framing carpentry with an insane drug addict and his insane drug addict brother from Kansas.
have the aforementioned idiots drop a floor joist on my head (it bounced off, don't worry)
Assemble housing units for yuppie scum (in North Raleigh). We built three Main Streets. I'm proud to relate that I ran 400 feet of base with a hammer, nails, and a coping saw, and it looked really nice. The boss had taken the electric tools with him (I guess he didn't trust me with them or something).
Watch an automated bottling line for Pepsi. They offered me a full time job with them. I guess I impressed them with my raging boredom. It was appalling. I come home from PepsiCo. at about 4am, soaked to the skin with Orange Crush, shower, and go to bed. At 7am, I get a call from my temp agency asking me if I want to go back. "For real", they said. After I swore at them and hung up, they called back at 10. I told them I wasn't interested.
Answer phones for MacThrift Furniture.
Read a lot of books.
do computer consulting for my landlady (June Woodward, of Woodward, Hastings & Holsten.) My girlfriend did her web site.
Sell my blood for money (394 ml for $500 - not bad - that's more than a dollar per ml!)
Call Pharmaceutical Product Development for details.
Read USENET and AOL/Compuserve for money. Read more USENET trying to find references to the Intel Pentium bug so that Intel would know whether or not to cave. They finally did. This is one of the few things I ever did for money that felt really good.
Ask people to fill out a survey at Ace Hardware. Check serial numbers on disk drives at Data General.
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Contents copyright © 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000 Steve Champeon. All rights reserved.